JOKE OF THE DAY
Warning it's Dangerous To consume more Joke
That's Exceed Your Digestion Quota.
That's Exceed Your Digestion Quota.
JOKE OF TODAY
"Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it a hundred times."
1. If you want to ...
In IndiaWay to go sent a son of eight-year-old to school, man was illegal turn at a red light. "Regrettable, and! Had the illegal turn." Then, his son said. and "It's okay. behind the patrol car the same thing the thing."
Taking his eight-year-Old son to School, A father Makes an Illegal Turn at A red light. "Oh no! I just Broke the law!" he says. "It's OK, Daddy. The Police car Behind us just did the same thing. "
2. Vodka
Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys.
Rum and ice will ruin your liver.
Whisky and ice will ruin your heart.
Gin and ice will ruin your brain.
Coke and ice will ruin your teeth.
That bloody ice is lethal!! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice!
2. incredible india
1. We live in a nation
where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg
and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster
than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education
loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 45% get in
elite institutions thru quota
system and those with 90% get
out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy
a cricket team instead of
donating the money to any
charity. 2 IPL teams are
auctioned at 3300 crores and
we are still a poor country
where people starve for 2
square meals per day.
6. Where the footwear, we
wear, are sold in AC
showrooms, but vegetables,
that we eat, are sold on the
footpath.
7. Where everybody wants to be
famous but nobody wants to
follow the path to be famous.
8. Assembly complex buildings
are getting ready within one
year while public transport
bridges alone take several
years to be completed.
9. Where we make lemon juices
with artificial flavors and
dish wash liquids with real
lemon.
Think about this
If you cross the The
North Korean border illegally,
you get ..... 12 years hard
labour in an isolated prison
.....
If you cross the
Iranian border illegally, you
get ....
detained indefinitely
.....
If you cross the Afghan border
illegally, you get ..... shot
......
If you cross the
Saudi Arabian border
illegally, you get ......
jailed ......
If you cross the
Chinese border illegally, you
get ..... kidnapped and may be
never heard of - again
If you cross the
Venezuelan border illegally,
you get ..... branded as a spy
and your fate sealed .
If you cross the Cuban border
illegally, you get .....
thrown into a political prison
to rot
If you cross the
British border illegally, you
get ..... arrested,
prosecuted, sent to prison and
be deported after serving your
sentence .....
Now
. if you were to cross
the Indian border illegally,
you
get .....
1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than
one - if you please ! )
3. A driver's license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for
minorities
9. Government housing on
subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi ,
with a bunch of media morons
and a bigger bunch of human
rights activists promoting
your cause
14. The right to talk about
secularism, which you have not
heard about in your own
country !
15. And of-course ..... voting
rights to elect corrupt
politicians who will promote
your community for their
selfish interest in securing
your votes !!!
16. and right to fight
election for MLA or MP Hats
off ...
to
the ......
A. Corrupt and communal Indian
politicians
B.
The inefficient and corrupt
Indian police force
C.
The silly pseudo-secularists
in India , who promote
traitors staying here
D.
The amazingly lenient Indian
courts and legal system.
That's why people like Afzal
Guru are still alive, same
will happen with Kasab.
E.
WE self centered Indian
citizens, who are not bothered
about the dangers to our own
country.
F. The illogically brainless
human-rights activists,
who think that terrorists
deserve to be dealt with by
archaic laws meant for an era,
when human beings were human
beings.
INCREDIBLE
INDIA!
1. We live in a nation
where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg
and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster
than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education
loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 45% get in
elite institutions thru quota
system and those with 90% get
out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy
a cricket team instead of
donating the money to any
charity. 2 IPL teams are
auctioned at 3300 crores and
we are still a poor country
where people starve for 2
square meals per day.
6. Where the footwear, we
wear, are sold in AC
showrooms, but vegetables,
that we eat, are sold on the
footpath.
7. Where everybody wants to be
famous but nobody wants to
follow the path to be famous.
8. Assembly complex buildings
are getting ready within one
year while public transport
bridges alone take several
years to be completed.
9. Where we make lemon juices
with artificial flavors and
dish wash liquids with real
lemon.
Think about this
If you cross the The
North Korean border illegally,
you get ..... 12 years hard
labour in an isolated prison
.....
If you cross the
Iranian border illegally, you
get ....
detained indefinitely
.....
If you cross the Afghan border
illegally, you get ..... shot
......
If you cross the
Saudi Arabian border
illegally, you get ......
jailed ......
If you cross the
Chinese border illegally, you
get ..... kidnapped and may be
never heard of - again
If you cross the
Venezuelan border illegally,
you get ..... branded as a spy
and your fate sealed .
If you cross the Cuban border
illegally, you get .....
thrown into a political prison
to rot
If you cross the
British border illegally, you
get ..... arrested,
prosecuted, sent to prison and
be deported after serving your
sentence .....
Now
. if you were to cross
the Indian border illegally,
you
get .....
1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than
one - if you please ! )
3. A driver's license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for
minorities
9. Government housing on
subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi ,
with a bunch of media morons
and a bigger bunch of human
rights activists promoting
your cause
14. The right to talk about
secularism, which you have not
heard about in your own
country !
15. And of-course ..... voting
rights to elect corrupt
politicians who will promote
your community for their
selfish interest in securing
your votes !!!
16. and right to fight
election for MLA or MP Hats
off ...
to
the ......
A. Corrupt and communal Indian
politicians
B.
The inefficient and corrupt
Indian police force
C.
The silly pseudo-secularists
in India , who promote
traitors staying here
D.
The amazingly lenient Indian
courts and legal system.
That's why people like Afzal
Guru are still alive, same
will happen with Kasab.
E.
WE self centered Indian
citizens, who are not bothered
about the dangers to our own
country.
F. The illogically brainless
human-rights activists,
who think that terrorists
deserve to be dealt with by
archaic laws meant for an era,
when human beings were human
beings.
INCREDIBLE
INDIA!
3. SAlESMAN
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut
before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if
there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall
from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and
stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz
and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled his head out and looked in the
mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease!
This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read "Manicures $10."
"Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot,
and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled
out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need
when away from their wives, 50 Cents."
"Oh, man...do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the
machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood
into the opening.
When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost
passed out.
*Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to
withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
4. Is it Bad Luck?
BAD
LUCK TRYING TO HIDE OR WHEN THINGS GO FROM BAD TO WORST.....
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of
the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The
bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours
him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says,
"Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I
give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're
so upset?"
So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when
this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I
thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a
fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over
and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a
while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal
in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and
starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true."
He continued, "She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to
her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to
go down to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up
and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts
fumbling with the door."
"The blonde says, 'Oh my god, it's my boyfriend. He must have lost his
wrestling match tonight, he's gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!'"
"So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he
would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I
figured he's bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the
lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there
by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn't see me."
The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this
point."
"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out,
'Who you been with now, you witch?' The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now calm
down.'"
Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the
closet and throw it across the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't
hide in there.' Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the
room. Good thing I didn't hide under there either. Then I heard him say,
'What's that over there by the window?' I think, 'Oh God, I'm dead meat
now.'
But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him
to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water
running for a long time; I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something,
when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of
the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, I got second
degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"
The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure." "No,
that didn't really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut
over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They're a bloody
mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass."
The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says, "Yeah, buddy, I can
understand why you are so upset."
"No, that wasn't what really got me so angry though."
The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what did finally make
you anger?"
*"Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down--I
was only about six inches off the ground."*
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of
the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The
bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours
him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says,
"Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I
give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're
so upset?"
So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when
this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I
thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a
fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over
and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a
while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal
in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and
starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true."
He continued, "She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to
her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to
go down to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up
and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts
fumbling with the door."
"The blonde says, 'Oh my god, it's my boyfriend. He must have lost his
wrestling match tonight, he's gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!'"
"So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he
would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I
figured he's bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the
lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there
by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn't see me."
The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this
point."
"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out,
'Who you been with now, you witch?' The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now calm
down.'"
Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the
closet and throw it across the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't
hide in there.' Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the
room. Good thing I didn't hide under there either. Then I heard him say,
'What's that over there by the window?' I think, 'Oh God, I'm dead meat
now.'
But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him
to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water
running for a long time; I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something,
when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of
the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, I got second
degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"
The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure." "No,
that didn't really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut
over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They're a bloody
mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass."
The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says, "Yeah, buddy, I can
understand why you are so upset."
"No, that wasn't what really got me so angry though."
The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what did finally make
you anger?"
*"Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down--I
was only about six inches off the ground."*
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